Now that Raj Thackeray has been arrested the country is waiting with
tension as to what havoc will his " enraged" supporters wreak on Mumbai.I must
admit,I am no good in these situations.My heart flutters and palpitations
attack.I bite my nails down to the cuticle and my breath comes in shallow
gasps.I am sure there are others who react the same way.Not for us fiery words
and morchas..........we prefer Gandhi ji's methods as they are as good for our
health as they are for the nations's health and image.
Keeping this in mind, I along with some of my friends have decided that
the following charter of action should be followed to get Raj to see sense (if
such an eventuality is possible at all).
The North Indians are beginning to leave Mumbai anyway so why not just
follow through en masse with a Mumbai Chodo movement.For those not familiar with
the national language that would be a Quit Mumbai movement.Lets do it
voluntarily.Sounds good?? It does to my coterie here but our caveat (we have
only one) is that Raj does not get to choose who leaves (poor migrant workers)
and who stays( Mukesh Ambani).Raj and his estranged uncle and cousin have been
wanting to restore Maratha pride and what could be more damaging to that pride
than these rich non Marathi tycoons flaunting there success and wealth.
So here goes.......The list is more or less in the order in which these non
marathis should leave:
1) Mukesh Ambani must leave first simply because he is the richest
Indian and is stationed in Mumbai even when he is a plain and simple Gujarati.
On top of his many millions that he manly invests in Gujarat (remember the
Jamnagar behemoth) he has also dared to cause grievous harm to the Marathi pride
by building a 40 storey steel and glass tower to use as his private
residence.His sins are many so out he goes.I need not tell you that when he
leaves he will be taking all his offices/investments and millions with him.I
agree a few thousand direct employees and a few lakh indirect beneficiaries will
be affected by his departure but so what? Raj and his Marathi manoos
will have their pride restored.
Oh yes,another thing.All Reliance family
stocks will have to be de- listed from the Bombay stock exchange and the brokers
who make millions via these stocks will just have to move their base to Gujarat
or wherever Mukesh chooses to setttle down.
2) Whatever I said about Mukesh applies to Anil Ambani also (except
the 40 storey house.Anil has not yet started any such self congratulatory
monument).Anil you will have to go too and preferably to a state where you do
not need to see and squabble with your bade bhaiyya on a daily
basis.
3) Shahrukh Khan needs to be next on the list as he is the most
prominent personality of Bollywood. The Ambanis still are from a proximate state
but look at Shahrukh's cheek..........he is from far away Delhi and he has the
audacity to capture the entire Bollywood and even the hearts of Marathi babes.(
Shh... don''t even mention that he happens to be a Muslim.If Raj's uncle hears
that ,there will be trouble for him on that count too.) Shahrukh's crimes are
many but mainly he has taken over the film world and makes Hindi movies in
Maharashtra.He has bought a heritage building as his home.What arrogance??
Ok, Shahrukh out you go,back to Delhi with Gauri and kids in tow.From now
make your Hindi movies in the Hindi speaking parts of the country and make sure
no non Hindi speaker ever sees or participates in your movies.For those of you
worried that the film industry will be lost without its biggest money spinner
please remember this is not about trivial things like money but the pride of the
Marathi manoos.
4) Whatever applies to Shahrukh(except his success quotient) applies to
Hrithik,Sanjay Dutt,Salman Khan,Amir Khan,Akshay Kumar,Akshay Khanna,Shiney
Ahuja,the Deol family and any other non marathi actor.Please leave now And I
have not even come to the babes as yet.
Rani off to Bengal please.And take
that Bipasha the bomb with you.Bengal's film industry will welcome you I am
sure.They might not want Tanushree and Celina back but take them with you any
way.I have a feeling Raj might have had them in mind when saying North Indians
corrupt the culture of Maharashtra!
Aishwarya, you need to choose between
Mangalore and U.P.( and remember its your father in law who has caused all this
trouble by leaving the banks of Ganga to come and live in the land of the
shrinking/stinking Mithi river).
Kajol, your case is complicated but by
virtue of your Marathi mom you will be allowed to stay back but minus that
Punjabi husband of yours.What did you ask? Who will you make movies with?? Kajol
where is your marathi pride? You are worried about making movies?? You should
not have made movies with these actors who are not the sons of the soil,in the
first place.
Hema Malini,you can pack your bags and take off for Chennai with
Esha and Ahana.Ai ai yo.It will be hard for you,I know as your husband will be
moving to the opposite corner of India.
5) Adi Godrej and Nusli Wadia, thank your stars that the rest of India
is not like Maharashtra otherwise it would have been off to Iran for you guys(
and the mullahs wouldn't have welcomed you there either). You can choose any
other state except Kashmir ofcourse.And be careful about choosing Arunachal
Pradesh.China is already claiming it and our comrades in CPM are strangely quiet
on the subject.
6)Yash Chopra,Karan Johar,Javed Akhtar,Gulzar,Shabana Azmi you too will
have to go,I am afraid.I know Mumbai without films and poetry will be a poorer
place but never mind.Maybe Thackeray senior will have marathi poetry ready to be
dished out via the party paper, Saamna
7) All Sikhs will have to go back to Punjab.The auto parts business
will collapse, I know, but what to do.Some sacrifices are required in order to
restore pride of the marathi manoos.
8) All taxi drivers who are not from Maharashtra please hand in the
keys to your smoke spewing fiats and get out now.How will the city travel??? Who
knows.Maybe the all- maharashtrian dabba walas association will figure out a
system to transport those who are still left in Mumbai after the north Indians
have left.The mumbai trains are like dabbas anyway.
9) Dhobiwallas,dudhwallas,sabziwallas please exit now if you are not a
Maharashtrian.
10) All Muslim craftsmen from U.P who do all that dextrous zardozi work
and stitch so exquisitely for the fashion designers can start looking for work
in Delhi maybe.Anyway if all the non marathi designers leave then there will be
no takers for your skills anyway.
I could go on and on but I think this is good for a start.
I think Mumbai should be allright with this clean up.What say
you??
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